Basic rules about gift-making
If you do not know what gift to give to a person and cannot or do not want to ask them (which is not always appropriate, particularly if you want to make a surprise or do not want to embarrass them), there are some simple rules to follow. The best GIFTS in that case would be the one that:
- You are sure that the recipient does not already have and which they can use in some way (you do not want your gift to be completely useless)
- Would ideally suit the recipient’s taste (if you know enough about it) or at least would give them a flattering idea about what you think about it
- Has intrinsic value so that if (despite your expectations) the person to whom you give it does not like it and does not want to keep it, they could pass it on to someone who does. It is one of the ways to use a gift, so it is not useless.
Gifts are a way to show you care
It is important to remember that when making gifts, the most important thing is not the gift itself but what it shows to the recipient about what you think or feel about them. Giving gifts is a rare occasion to express this without words but with acts, and we know that acts are always more important than words.
The best gifts are those that make the recipient see that you care about them and want to please them. This is more important than to actually please them, although of course you should avoid making an unpleasant or tactless present. This would in fact show that you do not care about that person. As an obvious example, giving someone who recently gave up smoking a box of expensive cigars or giving a teetotal a bottle of vintage wine or cognac as a gift is both tactless and useless. Yet that might be a perfect gift in some other cases.
Gifts are not about you
You should also remember that the gift should not be about you but about the person you make it to. It is not an occasion to show off your own taste or merit.
In this context, the old wisdom that if you do not know what would please the person you make a gift to, give them what would please you, has a limited value. It is sort of fallback position when you have no other clue. It might work in some cases, because people’s needs and interests (particularly among friends but in that case you would have some clue!) are often similar. If this is a reasonable assumption to make in your case, that’s fine. For example, an assumption that the person is a smoker like you is not a reasonable one.
But it is still better to make an effort to address the specific needs and interests of the recipient of your gift. Even at the risk of making a mistake, which will be easily forgiven if it is clear that you did your best. Do some due diligence, ask common friends and acquaintances, look at the person’s page on social media – this will normally tell you a lot about their interests and tastes. Sniff around.
Again, the gift itself is less important than the motivation behind it.
Cash as a gift
Finally, giving cash might be the easy way to go because everyone needs it and can use it. It might be appropriate on some occasions, such as a wedding, when you know people need it above anything else (not always). However, in other cases, giving cash might be perceived as a too easy a thing to do and as a lack of care and attention, if not a slight, particularly if this is a gift from a better-off to someone less well-off. In this respect, it is contrary to the key rule about gift-making as explained above. The value of the gift is not in its monetary value but in the level of attention and consideration to the person you give it to.
